Music Keeps Me In CTRL

Missy was wrong when she said music makes you lose control because during this time in my life  it is one of the only things keeping me sane. Rewind back to August 1, 2017. I was pleasantly optimistic. Had an Instagram post ready to embrace the new month. Fast forward to August 31, 2017, and I look like a fried, burnt, out-of-breath creature. August wore me OUT! And it’s not just me. What started off as a joke between one of my best friends quickly became my reality. We were both experiencing misfortune. Although still very thankful that things were not worse, all kinds of stuff in my life went awry. It was like something new was happening every day. “8” in Biblical references symbolizes a new beginning. Well, that new beginning felt like an open wound that would not heal. I waited for September with open arms. In August 2018, you can find me under a rock hiding from the world. It’s not even here and I am not ready for it.

I needed prayer, and believe you me, I cried out many times and in many ways to God. But the music, the music held me together. Whenever I got a bit of bad news I had to refer to Tidal or Apple Music and play to my heart’s content. I rediscovered my love for Tracy Chapman’s award winning album “New Beginning”. I remember connecting with the lyrics and melodies at a young age. And a lot of the issues Tracy wrote about are still relevant. I also took it back to middle/ high school with Keyshia Cole’s debut album “The Way It Is”. I used to belt her tunes and feel her heartbreak…what a difference 10 years made. Y’all slept on Ms. Cole chile, whew, she preached sermons with those tunes. But that’s another post for another day! 🙂 I also leaned on the vibes Sza gave me in CTRL. I listened to her stories of love, revenge, insecurity, beauty standards, awkwardness and heard my life story. From the first track until the last. I really thank God for music! Thank you SZA for being an instrument.

Music may not be your thing. But find that thing and make it your therapy. My godmother used to always say that the world is one big graveyard. Always willing to take things in and never give anything back. Do not be consumed by what is going on. Be the change you wish to see and go to bed. Live to fight another day. Find what keeps you in control and cherish it. Hold on to it like front row Beyonce tickets to a sold out show…FOR DEAR LIFE. I am so thankful for my family and friends who give me space to deal with myself and my issues. Every day is journey and it feels like the entire month of August all at once but I kept moving forward to see another  day and you can too blackbird.


Until Next Time.


*featured Photo by Mink Mingle on Unsplash


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